Nice Guy: not to be confused with a nice guy (that is, a male that is nice)-When used as a noun instead of an adjective, Nice Guy refers to people (men or women) who believe basic social expectations are currency for sex.
The “Nice Guy” trope or the “I’m not like the guys” trope, often epitomized by the mantra “Persistence pays off,” is a recurring narrative in both media (films, TV shows, books, etc.) and real life. Not to be confused with lowercase nice guys (males that simply are nice), the “Nice Guy’ trope portays a male character who views himself as the underdog, the pitiable victim of women who, in his eyes, consistently choose less “decent” men over him. These individuals believe their basic decency should automatically earn them romantic affection. This mindset reduces relationships to transactional exchanges where “nicecess” is used as a currency with social expectation of receiving romantic or sexual reward.
Carrying this belief, they often weaponize niceness, expecting a badge for common decency and fail to grasp the notion of attraction. This trope follows a predictable pattern: the Nice Guy claims to be “not like other guys,” and when rejected, resorts to begging or self-victimizing beliefs like “Nice Guys finish last,” while failing to understand that attraction isn’t owed based on decency.
This mentality, fueled by entitlement and insecurity, often leads to persistent pursuit and boundary violations. Nice Guys may overcompensate for self-doubt by boasting about their accomplishments or connections while displaying clinginess and attachment issues. In extreme cases, such as in books and films, they obsess over a woman’s physical traits, turning their misguided “love” into obsession. This results in stalking and disregarding the other person’s autonomy, as the Nice Guy tries to shape them into his ideal partner. When the illusion shatters, the Nice Guy’s true toxic, entitled nature is revealed.
Notable examples of the Nice Guy trope in popular media include characters like Ross Geller from Friends, Tom Hansen from 500 Days of Summer, Noah Calhoun from The Notebook, Duckie from Pretty in Pink, and Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother. In many of these cases, the Nice Guy either wins the girl or at least receives some form of reconciliation. However, this narrative often normalizes unhealthy behaviors and fails to hold the character accountable for their toxicity. Their persistence is wrongly rewarded with a happy ending, despite manipulative tactics and a lack of respect for boundaries.
Modern media is deconstructing the Nice Guy trope. In Love, Simon, Martin’s Nice Guy behavior leads to his exposure of Simon after rejection. The rejection of Tom in 500 Days of Summer reinforces that Nice Guys shouldn’t be romanticized. In YOU, Joe Goldberg’s extreme version shows how it can turn dangerous and obsessive. These portrayals reveal that persistence after rejection is a boundary violation, not a virtue.
The reality is that Nice Guys are not victims. True underdogs respect boundaries and engage in relationships based on mutual respect, not transactional expectations. It’s time to move past the flawed Nice Guy narrative and embrace healthier depictions of relationships.
